Fibromyalgia, parenting, love and loss

Posts tagged ‘pain’

Falling down

My blue mood hit me on the way to work this morning, seemingly out of nowhere. R was over-exhausted and low last night and I went to bed after hot yoga class without too many words exchanged between us. Things just felt “off” with us. He says he is feeling better today, so that’s a positive. I saw a neurosurgeon this week to discuss my chronic spinal pain (car wreck three years ago caused it). He didn’t offer much help. Well, he listened somewhat, which is more than my primary doc does. He prescribed a different muscle relaxant to help with the muscle spasms. I found out a few weeks ago that the damage to my spine in my accident caused my spine to develop degenerative osteoarthritis as well as spinal curvature at the upper and lower spine. This explains the three years of pain. I’ve been at my wits’ end with it all.
Fast forward to my just ending a phone call with a colleague who is on leave because her breast cancer spread to her spine. She is going through so much right now and here I was complaining about my pain. It could always be worse. My heart aches for her suffering; it just is not fair. I’ve never been one to believe that life is random. I feel in my bones that there is something far larger than we can comprehend at work in this life (and the next and the next). But still…the pain so many are going through just seems so unjust. I try to have faith that contracts are made between souls before we come into this body and that nothing happens by accident. Somehow that doesn’t lessen the grief when someone for whom we care is in pain.
I wish for joy in the lives of all I love and in my life as well. So much sadness these days…I just cannot take it anymore.