Fibromyalgia, parenting, love and loss

Archive for June, 2013

Who Needs a Job Anyway?

images-job Well, I do, sadly. I’m the primary breadwinner in a family of 7. Don’t get me wrong-many are unemployed and desperate to find a job, any job. I understand that I’m fortunate to have this job, to be able to pay the mortgage, buy food for my family, and even buy some things that we don’t need. It just feels harder and harder to come to work everyday. The needs of the people I work with are great. They have disabilities, and so many of them are more dependent on us here at work to help them with things that normal employees do not expect from their employer. I enjoy helping people, but sometimes the need is just too much and I feel overwhelmed by it all. I dream of a job in HR where I can work closer to home, show up and do my job with people who understand my role there, then go home and leave it behind. Enjoying my coworkers-feeling a sense of camaraderie is also important. The bulk of our day is spent with those with whom we work, so working in a positive environment with kind, fun people matters to me.

I am doing my best to put the energy out there that I will get a new and better job. Any self-help/spiritual book I’ve read teaches that the universe is here to help us. What we say we would like to show up, shows up as long as we believe that’s what will happen. I know that in my old job, I felt stuck and hopeless and because of that, it took three years to find another job. I do not want a repeat of that length of time! Change needs to happen soon; I don’t wish for my life to be one of drudgery. One’s job should not be something one tolerates; it should bring joy and fulfillment. I don’t believe that is a pipedream or too much to hope for. Why spend your workdays white-knuckling it until you can leave at the end of the day? Why work in an environment where you are not appreciated with people who have no clue of all the work you do?

There has been enough pain in my life over the past year. I’m ready to truly enjoy each day. Now, I know what you’re saying-that enjoying each day is possible no matter what my circumstances, and that it’s up to me to make myself happy no matter what. I don’t disagree, but the reality is that for me, I feel so overburdened with my role at this organization that its negatives far outweigh the positives at this point. There are wonderful people and good moments, for sure. However, the frustration level is through the roof and I’m at the breaking point. Thank God we’re going on vacation in a couple weeks to the coast! Time away with my family is much-needed. It’s impossible to feel stressed at the ocean!

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